John Burley's Advice vs. Astrology

Real estate investment “guru” and self-described “prosperity trainer” John R Burley (about whom I have written extensively here), arguably most famous for his Progressive Profits infomercial, used to offer an “intensely powerful” quarterly newsletter, called The Burley Chronicles. I believe a subscription cost around $99 a year. It’s apparently discontinued—I suspect for reasons that, in a moment, I’ll be making abundantly clear—but if you enter your mailing information at his web site then you’ll probably be sent your own complimentary issue, along with a bunch of other promotional materials.

In my copy, the 3rd issue from 2001, Burley welcomes readers with, “The learning, fun, and education continues.” Much of what follows is an “education” that isn’t worth 10 cents—let alone $99 a year! For example, in the same article, Burley says:

The cause of the depth of the current US slowdown (read ‘recession’), may be debated, but there is now general consensus regarding the timing and likelihood of economic recovery. Everybody agrees that they have absolutely no idea!

Everyone is searching for better profits and economic news. Are they looking in the right places? As a Level Five investor, where do we look for increased returns on our investments?

As I often say, it is not really important where you look for your investments. It is more important how you look! [emphasis original]

Looking at investing with the lateral thinking mind of the Level Five investor is the key to recognizing the limitless opportunities that exist in any market—and particularly in a recession market—for double digit and higher returns.

I read this stuff and become physically ill. This is “investment advice” on a par with what you’d get out of your daily horoscope! To prove my point, below I have taken several of Burley’s nuggets of wisdom (or something) and randomly interspersed them with items I’ve pulled from daily horoscopes. I challenge you to tell them apart.

A
Learn to produce results without agreement from others. It’s a marvelous skill to have, and will be quite profitable. And once you get past the nervousness, you’ll be very strong.

B
Remember, all coins have two sides and both sides are shiny if polished properly and viewed from the proper perspectives! Awareness, Attitude and Action!

C
We are still playing our own game by our own rules and the playing field grows larger by the day.

D
Don't worry if what you try doesn't work. It's just as important to know what won't. It narrows down the seemingly endless possibilities.

E
There are so many opportunities around these days that you might actually have to flip a coin to help you decide which one to pursue first.

F
Invest in an area that you have long been curious about. Get some of those old questions answered and you'll sleep better at night.

G
Remind people to look at the facts if they're getting emotional.

H
The sentiment of abundance that has driven growth over the last decade has taken on the scent of scarcity. This is when the astute and prepared rise above the naysaying rabble.

I
The workload is intense and the objective is muddled. Before you knock yourself out, find out what needs to be done and what doesn't. Your efforts will be appreciated.

I’ll reveal the answer in the comments at some point in the future. In the mean time, feel free to offer up your own guesses.